I'm not sure who I'm writing this to, or what I'm writing this for, but these are the tales of a journey I've been on. Life is so bizarre....
I often liken myself to a leaf on a mountain stream. The wind has picked me up, laid me down, blown me from shore to shore...but never hurt me. I hope, with your help, I will find my story and get it out there!
About Me
- lmcree65
- I love God and everything exciting! Give me outdoors & adventurous, & I'm there!!
Life is bizarre, with the complications of the daily struggles. It would be nice to be a leaf, with not a care in the world. To depend on the air to travel, to depend on god to supply the sun and the rain for nourishment. Could life really be that simple without all the distractions?
ReplyDeleteIt would require complete submission. To defer to that higher power and render yourself to it completely. Could you do that? I think it goes against our very being. We want to control...and look where that gets us. Imagine being that leaf. Yes, the initial thought is very relaxing, peaceful, stress free...but imagine that same leaf being blown into a fire. The imagery changes.
ReplyDeleteToday is a good day! My daughter is travelling down a road that feels way too familiar. I just don't know how to get her back on track!?! I don't even know if she is off the track, but something just doesn't feel right. Any suggestions? She is 18 years old, and a freshman in College. There is more to it than that, but let's just start there...
ReplyDeleteLet me ask you this...if tomorrow were your last day on Earth, what would you do today?
ReplyDeleteA new stage in the adventure I call "life". Stay tuned for details...
ReplyDeleteSo...my father went to the Doctor last week, and was admitted to the hospital for an emergency 5-way bypass. A little frightening to think that one minute, you are on your way to the golf course, and the next, the very life of you (your heart) is laying on a table beside you!! I will steal a quote and remind everyone that..."life is a gift, that's why they call it the present".
ReplyDeleteAfter last weeks scare, I am convicted to consider the events of my life...yet again!
ReplyDeleteI'm sitting here today, a participant in life and my community. That, in and of itself, is unmemorable. Once I tell you how I ended up in this seat, maybe you will remember me. I have been down a long road that led me here.
On August 18, 2003, I went from Party-Party Girl to hostage. I had been travelling down the wrong road with all the wrong people, when they turned on me. The whole thing was surreal! I had been funding a party for these people for almost a year, when they turned on me. It's funny to me, to speak it, to think about it, to have lived it. It just seems like one of those trashy "made for tv mini-series" you see on Lifetime, and really??? It was all based on a ruse! Not necessarily a lie, but definitely an embellished version of the truth. I painted a picture of "my life", that was not accurate. It was true, each individual part, but the whole thing was just a collage of other peoples facts, not my own.
So where to begin...
I was a party girl! When I start thinking of stories, one leads to another, to another, to another...and pretty soon, I forget what the point was. I guess that's the point- I wish somebody would interact with me here. Post questions, probe into specific situations, ask me about adventures, give me SOME type of starting point. You know, that fork in the road, that will finally take you someplace different.
ReplyDelete"The heights by great men reached and kept
ReplyDeleteWere not obtained by sudden flight;
But they, while their companions slept,
Were toiling upward in the night.
Standing on what too long we bore,
With shoulders bent and downcast eyes,
We may discern-unseen before-
A path to higher destinies!"
~Longfellow
Just considering one of the many lessons I've learned. The importance of staying the course! pursuit...determination...focus........
I somehow ended up on your blog from a group I was checking out on Linked In. Whenever I am on the internet I find myself easily distracted and always end up somewhere aside from what I was planning to do in the first place. I guess it brings out my ADD :-) So here I am and I was just reading your blog entires but noticed that you have stopped writing. It sounds like you have an interesting story. I am intrigued to hear about what happened back in 2003. I hope that your father has fully recovered! If you are still out there you should write some more. I was actually thinking of starting a blog but I am just not sure what I would write about. Anyway, not sure if you will get this but if you do, nice to meet you!!
ReplyDeleteHi Chad! I'm so glad you found my log and hope you're still out there. I am still on LinkedIn, but obviously...things have changed. Bits and pieces of my story are making it on paper (or black and white at least), but I still have some inner defense mechanism that is slamming shut that final chamber door that allows me to form some type of verbal or written expression that explains my experiences.
DeleteWow....so it is now April 29th, 2013. The world didn't end on December 21st, 2012, and life as we know it is the same. We all talk about our journey, and with regard to mine....WHAT A TRIP!! I have peaked and ebbed on my professional path, but the next peak is always a little higher than the previous....so that is good. Right now, it feels like 'it's all happening' again! Thrust back into a windstorm of luck and fate and destiny and experiences that are sharing the same vortex at the same time. What a perfect storm....... So I was reminded of my story registering for the SAP Sapphire event, when the form asked for my blog.
ReplyDeleteYaaaay!!!! I have one!!! This feeling is like when you get home late on a sunday and suddenly launch into a panic because you forgot to pick up your dry cleaning.....then you go into your closet and see it hanging in front because you had had that epiphany first thing in the morning, to go and pick it up in case there wasn't time later in the day. That is when you say to yourself...."good girl!" So I have a blog...."good girl!" What's even better?? I have a story to tell...but not today! Chad and Christian, I would love some collaboration on this!
Another 2 years has passed and my 'perfect storm' has landed this leaf upside down on the precipice of a great chasm. When do they teach you how to see disaster in your path when it's in the form of everything you ever dreamt of? How can you know when the enemy is in your midst and the proverbial wolf in sheep's clothing??? I mean.....what did I NOT learn, what was I NOT born with, what am I NOT zeroing in on to discern those people that I need to be protected from??? I'm not stupid....only a little naive, and not totally gullable, but the people that, one after the other, continue to infiltrate my life are going to kill me! LITERALLY!!! Why would I ever consider people as 'safe'? They really are not worth it anymore! We've crossed over into that dimension where entire generations are born complete narcissists and 1 out of 4 is a true socio-path! What are we evolving into and why can't we change the ending????
ReplyDeleteWhat do you do when you find yourself in a hopeless spot with something or someone you find you don't even know, and you've put them in a position with the power to absolutely kill your spirit or your being? What do you do????
I still need to go back to August 2003 and fill you in on the rest of the story, but I'm being blocked by some other force. I should just be able to start talking, like now, and begin sharing my journey.....but I can't.?. Even right now, as we speak, it's like there's an invisible force that doesn't want to let me go there! My chest feels tight, my breathing is shallow, and I feel anxiety rising in my chest to the point of making me cry AND I DON'T KNOW WHY!! What did I not learn or identify that I should have to avoid the scary place i'm in today??? Is there anybody who can teach a person that?? What you missed? What you should have been looking out for??? or is it just another one of those things that creates cynics and pessimists?
Man.....there has to be a reward at the end of all this we call life! Some explanation for this existence??? Don't you think???
I feel so alone again.....but i'll be back.
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ReplyDeleteI'm back. It's now the last week in October, 2015, and the World seems so weird! I feel like I'm "Ed TV" or "The Truman Show" only not so cheesy!!! (maybe a little cheesy??) Anyway....in August 2003 some Mexicans I thought I knew decided I was their quickest or easiest means to $10k....so one day they corralled some equally seedy friends and stormed my room, duck taped me to a chair, posted 2 at the door and window, one with a gun, one with a knife, and 2 girls to beat me up. They proceeded to tell me I was going to phone my father and tell him that I borrowed their car and wrecked it. Because they have no insurance I need to pay them this money. Needless to say, it didn't go down like that! Regardless...they won and I lost 6 years of life, as I knew it. We can come back to this another time.....
ReplyDeleteFast forward again, and despite my desire to brush that period of my life off with a broad stroke, it plays a huge part in everything that's happened since!
So again, i'm forced to have to go back and try to write the Cliff Notes for "My *ucked up Adventure in Phoenix", but maybe not tonight.?.
Good night....I'll be back tomorrow and put more of an effort into this.
I've decided to change the ending. We all have the power within us to change the path we're on, to shift into uncharted waters, to take helm as The Master of our Destiny....but the only person who can do it is Y-O-U! As the Master of My Destiny....the Author of My Novel.....the Hero in My Fairytale....I'm going for an insanely huge happy ending! I mean....why not? I know I still owe you the rest of the story, but i'm in the process of changing the ending and when a story has built momentum throughout a lifetime, it takes a dedicated minute to recreate circumstances and take awkward steps in a foreign direction to make it happen! Definitely not for the weak-kneed!!! I'll get back to you.....right now I have to get to work because it's going to be a costly journey;
ReplyDeleteSo....it's been a while. I think the last occasion I had to log time in my Gypsy Journal was when I met my soon to be next-ex-husband. That would have been 2011 when he came from Brazil to sweep me off my feet in a way that seemed IMPOSSIBLE to fake!
ReplyDeleteBut I was wrong. Nothing is impossible and on October 28th of this year (2016), he left me without so much as a phone call! Despite his adamantly denying ever having anything to do with another woman.....HE IS A LIAR and his denial doesn't change the facts.
Aside from leaving his wife of 5 1/2 years without a phone call, he also left me homeless, without a phone, without money, without a conversation, without a hug, and without a car.
Now, as I look back at all the telltale signs, his brother (Pedro) and sister-in-law (Victoria) had to have known from the beginning what was going on. Maybe not Victoria at first, but without a doubt Pedro knew. These are people who on the first lunch date (interview), we had very specific pieces of conversation around why the relationship should or would move forward, and some of the reasons why it should not---if those things existed in either of us.
Obviously, some of my issues were trust, provision, fidelity, and security. Despite the whirlwind romance, if Miguel did not love me and only me, was not able to provide for us or at least contribute, was not faithful in any way, or would not play the role of the man and protect my heart AT ALL COSTS, despite being madly in love with him, I would not be willing to move forward another step with him because those were my 'must-haves'.
Aaaaahhhhhhh.......what academy award performance around the table!
Not to leave you hanging by design, but it has only been a few weeks and it is now 3:40pm on a chilly December afternoon and I am still homeless and it gets cold quick. Let me try to secure myself for the evening and pick this up again after a while.
Hi Christian.....I'm back.
ReplyDeleteNot situated yet....but warm. So I went back to read where I left off, and thankfully, I was able to give myself another 'atta girl'!
ReplyDeleteI saw that I have been chronicling my adventure at very crucial points, so it is not so emotionally &/or mentally exhausting trying to convey a moment when I knew things had changed, and when I knew I had to change them.
Back to the gift my daughter calls today ('the present').....where to start????
It's amazing how connected each human being is to the entire Universe without even knowing it! I say that because as I look back on the logs of my life, nowhere in this blog did I mention the whirlwind romance OR the wedding that followed in June of 2011.?. Don't you find that curious? Because I sure as hell do!!
I mean....how could I have known then that this would be yet another failure/embarrassment/waste or whatever you want to call it....how could I have known enough about my future to not commemorate or memorialize the moment in my very own blog? I mean....after all---I AM THE BOHEMIAN IN www.THEGYPSYJOURNALS.blogspot.com! THAT IS ME!!!! Hellooooooooooooooooo????????
I've always said that 'Time is an illusion'! We put the parameters on it...God holds the past, present, and future in his hands and he knows the outcome because he created us in the womb and predestined every event of our lives...right? I say again..... "Time is an Illusion!!!!"